Ask yourselves this, who is the ultimate musical and lyrical genius of all time? John Lennon? Kurt Cobain? Paul McCartney? Daniel Beddingfield? John Otway? Chas `n Dave? No, none of these, it is without doubt David Hasselhoff. Just implant his greatest hits CD through your skull and into the fragile tangle of grey-pink flesh and blood vessels of your brain and you will come to realise that without the expressive, artistic genius of Hasselhoff this life would not be worth living.
Listening to his album you can't help but feel that big Dave has taken you from behind, bent you to his will and slipped a long purple veined length of musical love into the aural pleasure regions of your nether zone.
I've been a worshipper of Durgen Hummersnarf ever since I accidentally got a plane to Hamburg and every single airline radio station was playing back to back Hasselhoff hits. By the time I got off the plane my mind was jelly and my guts were turning over. So I swiftly found the men's loos and emptied my pain down the porcelain pan forever. I love Durvid Humplestump, with his saintly singing he has transformed me into a crazed music loving Hasselhair zealot that will stop at nothing to bring his Best Of album into the hearts and minds of every child on Earth.
I know I said I tried to keep this a Hoff-free zone, but then I found this review.
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