Snack
Saturday, November 19, 2005
New Sports Craze: Live Turkey Parachuting
A new sport is sweeping the nation. Skydivers are jumping out of planes without parachutes. They are attaching themselves to a string of live turkeys. Apparently the turkeys go nuts and flap their wings and act as a parachute. And with live turkeys going for less than a dollar a pound it costs a lot less than a parachute which can cost over a thousand bucks.
Masticator
Masticator is a headgear with custommade electronics that gives audio visual feedback of chewing during meals.
Self Inflating Whoopee Cushion
This improved whoopee cushion reinflates on its own. It's always ready to make it's classic fart noise without the need to blow it up each time.
Blitz on pensioner buggy speeders
In Lytham St Annes.
In one incident, witnesses claim a man in a buggy used his walking stick like a "jousting knight" to clear people from his path.
In one incident, witnesses claim a man in a buggy used his walking stick like a "jousting knight" to clear people from his path.
Friday, November 18, 2005
Real World Update
To cut a long story short, after a manic afternoon where the house moving situation has veered from totally to falling through (again), to me having definitely sold my house, but potentially being homeless next week, the situation is now sorted.
Contracts have now been exchanged on the house I'm selling and on the house I was hoping to buy, so now no-one can pull out or move any more goalposts and I'm definitely moving next Friday! My solicitor has been a star this afternoon.
I just need to find a removals company now.
I am one very very relieved individual.
Anyway, I'm off to get drunk.
Contracts have now been exchanged on the house I'm selling and on the house I was hoping to buy, so now no-one can pull out or move any more goalposts and I'm definitely moving next Friday! My solicitor has been a star this afternoon.
I just need to find a removals company now.
I am one very very relieved individual.
Anyway, I'm off to get drunk.
Supersize Celebs
Ever wondered what those skinny celebs would look like after forgetting to renew their gym membership?
Test your skills to see how many supersize celebs you can spot from the lardy line-up.
Test your skills to see how many supersize celebs you can spot from the lardy line-up.
Past Life Analysis
Who were you in your last life?
Me: I don't know how you feel about it, but you were female in your last earthly incarnation.
You were born somewhere in the territory of modern USA North-East around the year 1075.
Your profession was that of a farmer, weaver or tailor.
Your brief psychological profile in your past life:
Seeker of truth and wisdom. You could have seen your future lives. Others perceived you as an idealist illuminating path to future.
The lesson that your last past life brought to your present incarnation:
Your lesson is the development and expansion of your mental consciousness. Find a good teacher and spend a good part of your time and energy on learning from his wisdom.
Me: I don't know how you feel about it, but you were female in your last earthly incarnation.
You were born somewhere in the territory of modern USA North-East around the year 1075.
Your profession was that of a farmer, weaver or tailor.
Your brief psychological profile in your past life:
Seeker of truth and wisdom. You could have seen your future lives. Others perceived you as an idealist illuminating path to future.
The lesson that your last past life brought to your present incarnation:
Your lesson is the development and expansion of your mental consciousness. Find a good teacher and spend a good part of your time and energy on learning from his wisdom.
Proporta Elephant Camouflage Kit
Learn from the mammoth mistakes of your past and don’t let a lack of subtlety be your downfall. The Proporta Elephant Camouflage Kit uses our patented Clear Blue Sky Disappearing Technology to help you literally vanish into thin air, evading dangerous predators, tourists and boring guests at tea and bun parties.
Monsoon-tested waterproof blue and white paint (also available in jungle green)*
Includes masking tape (40 metres)
Ideal for eavesdropping on rhinos
* Don’t be tempted by rival products which use cheaper, water-based paint and can be fatal in crouching-tiger-heavy-rain scenarios.
£ 1,000,000.00 plus VAT.
Monsoon-tested waterproof blue and white paint (also available in jungle green)*
Includes masking tape (40 metres)
Ideal for eavesdropping on rhinos
* Don’t be tempted by rival products which use cheaper, water-based paint and can be fatal in crouching-tiger-heavy-rain scenarios.
£ 1,000,000.00 plus VAT.
Little Jimmy Osmond has changed
He's due to take part in the latest series of I'm a Celebrity ... Get Me Out Of Here.
Here's what he looks like now.
Here's what he looks like now.
Teaching grannies to suck eggs
London Underground helpfully produced a leaflet called Tube Tips For Women.
They also produced badges for pregnant women, saying Baby On Board, so people will give up a seat for them.
Their top tips included:
Carry a snack like a cereal bar with you.
Strangely, this leaflet has now been withdrawn and the interweb link to the pdf of the leaflet now leads to a 404 error page.
However, the clever people at London Underground appear to have forgotten that Google provide a view pdf document as HTML facility.
They also produced badges for pregnant women, saying Baby On Board, so people will give up a seat for them.
Their top tips included:
Carry a snack like a cereal bar with you.
Strangely, this leaflet has now been withdrawn and the interweb link to the pdf of the leaflet now leads to a 404 error page.
However, the clever people at London Underground appear to have forgotten that Google provide a view pdf document as HTML facility.
State-of-the-art shoes aid illegal migrants
The shoes includes a compass, a flashlight because people cross at night, and inside is included also some Tylenol painkillers because many people get injured during crossing.
Thursday, November 17, 2005
Rape secret of 7/7 victim
A victim hailed for his bravery after losing a leg in the 7/7 bombings is a gang rapist.
Garri Holness, leader of a campaign for compensation over the London terror outrages took part in a horrific attack on two teenage girls.
Edit: For anyone finding this via Google etc. I have since found out that this story is untrue. He was jailed for this offence but was freed on appeal after two years.
Edit Edit: It maybe true after all. Thanks to Anon, who left this link in the comments.
Garri Holness, leader of a campaign for compensation over the London terror outrages took part in a horrific attack on two teenage girls.
Edit: For anyone finding this via Google etc. I have since found out that this story is untrue. He was jailed for this offence but was freed on appeal after two years.
Edit Edit: It maybe true after all. Thanks to Anon, who left this link in the comments.
This Domain Name is for Sale for $7,500,001
My name is Andres Kello, I am 25 years old, and I want to break a World Record, give away $2 million dollars to my supporters, at least $400,000 to charity, become a Millionaire, and invest millions in another great idea...and I've figured out how to do it ALL with one simple domain name!
You haven't got a cat in hell's chance, pal.
You haven't got a cat in hell's chance, pal.
Breath Capture
Everyone is born with it. A desire to be near the ones we care about most. And we find ways to remember them when they're away. A lock of hair. Letters. An old photo. And now there's Breath Capture. Capture the breath of a loved one or friend and keep them close. Forever.
Strange Dolls
These odd dolls are not something you will find in a toy store. They are hardly something you would buy for a child. They are misproportioned, strangely dressed, and they have a story and character uniquely their own.
The perfect companion piece.
The perfect companion piece.
Amamanta Family anatomically correct dolls
These dolls include true anatomical details such as stitched on genitals and breasts. This means that children and parents alike will find the dolls true-to-life and see themselves as naturally complete and OK.
They don't look very real to me.
They don't look very real to me.
The 11-Year Quest to Create Disappearing Coloured Bubbles
Chemical burns, ruined clothes, 11 years, half a million dollars—it's not easy to improve the world's most popular toy. Yet the success of one inventor's quest to dye a simple soap bubble may change the way the world uses colour.
Science.
With many thanks to Deraser.
Science.
With many thanks to Deraser.
English Homophones
English (especially British English) is not spelt phonetically. Two words can share none, any or all of Spelling, Pronunciation and Meaning. All languages have synonyms (words with unrelated spelling and pronunciation but the same meaning) and words with multiple meanings. However English has an exceptional disparity between spelling and pronunciation.
Weird and wonderful vocabulary from around the world
How come only German has a word for 'a person who leaves without paying the bill' (Zechpreller) or that Albanians need 27 words for moustache?
I don't know.
I don't know.
Path to true happiness 'revealed'
Plant something and nurture it
Count your blessings - at least five - at the end of each day
Take time to talk - have an hour-long conversation with a loved one each week
Phone a friend whom you have not spoken to for a while and arrange to meet up
Give yourself a treat every day and take the time to really enjoy it
Have a good laugh at least once a day
Get physical - exercise for half an hour three times a week
Smile at and/or say hello to a stranger at least once each day
Cut your TV viewing by half
Spread some kindness - do a good turn for someone every day
Making Slough Happy.
Count your blessings - at least five - at the end of each day
Take time to talk - have an hour-long conversation with a loved one each week
Phone a friend whom you have not spoken to for a while and arrange to meet up
Give yourself a treat every day and take the time to really enjoy it
Have a good laugh at least once a day
Get physical - exercise for half an hour three times a week
Smile at and/or say hello to a stranger at least once each day
Cut your TV viewing by half
Spread some kindness - do a good turn for someone every day
Making Slough Happy.
Mum makes daughter stand on street corner with cardboard sign
"I don't do my homework and I act up in school, so my parents are preparing me for my future. Will work for food".
Ants eat away patient’s eye
In Indian hospital.
I could tell you some fascinating stories about ants in India. But perhaps now is not the time.
I could tell you some fascinating stories about ants in India. But perhaps now is not the time.
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
Trivia Machine
Climb to the top of the ladder by answering fun questions from the trivia machine! The game features thousands of trivia questions across nine categories.
The hunt for the worst sound in the world
Fingernails scraping down a blackboard... the scream of a baby... your neighbour's dog barking: what is the worst sound in the world? This is what this website is trying to find out.
Bad Vibes.
Bad Vibes.
Ten aphrodisiacs that really work
Barry White tunes.
A few stiff drinks.
A dozen oysters.
Promises, promises.
A little skin.
Manolo Blahniks.
Backrubs.
Perfume.
Money.
A diamond engagement ring.
Allegedly.
A few stiff drinks.
A dozen oysters.
Promises, promises.
A little skin.
Manolo Blahniks.
Backrubs.
Perfume.
Money.
A diamond engagement ring.
Allegedly.
Indian girl born with heart in hand fights to live
The baby has a fully developed external heart between her neck and collar bone. She was holding her heart in her right hand when born.
Fountain pens 'too risky for under-14s'
After decades when young pupils were encouraged to master penmanship, the benefits of developing good handwriting are now seen to be outweighed by the risk of swallowing the cap.
Men reject first date sex
Two out of three men don't want full sex on a first date, a poll reveals.
A spokesman said of the results: “We wonder whether some men forgot to consult their hormones before being interviewed”.
A spokesman said of the results: “We wonder whether some men forgot to consult their hormones before being interviewed”.
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
At last a result!
It's cost me a fair few grand but all being well I should be moving next week now.
Thank you so much for all the kind messages. I really, really do appreciate the thoughts. Thank you.
Now I have the great weight lifted off my shoulders, normal service will resume tomorrow.
Thank you so much for all the kind messages. I really, really do appreciate the thoughts. Thank you.
Now I have the great weight lifted off my shoulders, normal service will resume tomorrow.
Monday, November 14, 2005
I'm afraid I won't be posting anything today
I'm in too much real world turmoil.
I was hoping to have sold my house and be moving this week or next, then at the end of last week, the person supposed to be buying my house "moved the goalposts" in some respects, so I've had a fraught sleepless weekend and until I talk to my solicitor and find out exactly what's going on I'm afraid I'm just not in the humour.
This isn't helped by the fact that I packed up all my belongings at the end of last week, all the pictures off the walls etc. and if I have to put the house back on the market ... it doesn't bear thinking about.
So I apologise.
Anyway I'm off to continue my nervous breakdown. Or not as the case may be.
I was hoping to have sold my house and be moving this week or next, then at the end of last week, the person supposed to be buying my house "moved the goalposts" in some respects, so I've had a fraught sleepless weekend and until I talk to my solicitor and find out exactly what's going on I'm afraid I'm just not in the humour.
This isn't helped by the fact that I packed up all my belongings at the end of last week, all the pictures off the walls etc. and if I have to put the house back on the market ... it doesn't bear thinking about.
So I apologise.
Anyway I'm off to continue my nervous breakdown. Or not as the case may be.
