Multitasking
Saturday, March 11, 2006
Fallen Cheerleader
I posted the story of this cheerleader who injured herself after falling from a human pyramid a few days ago.
I knew she carried on dancing with her arms as she was carried off on a stretcher, but hadn't realised she had done it so enthusiasticly.
I knew she carried on dancing with her arms as she was carried off on a stretcher, but hadn't realised she had done it so enthusiasticly.
The Torn-Up Credit Card Application
Man tears up credit card application form, sticks it back together, sends it off.
Receives credit card.
Receives credit card.
Patriotic Posters
Attention American Citizens! You stand hereby directed to prove your patriotism by printing out hundreds of the wartime morale posters below, and distributing them widely throughout your community!
Hmmm.
NSFWish.
Hmmm.
NSFWish.
Cat And Orangutan Play, Cuddle And Sleep Together
Tondalayo, a 45-year-old Sumatran orangutan, and T-J, a stray tabby cat, became an inseparable duo after a zoo employee introduced them late last year.
Zookeepers at the Education Director at Zoo World in Panama City Beach say Tondalayo was depressed since losing her mate two years ago.
Zookeepers at the Education Director at Zoo World in Panama City Beach say Tondalayo was depressed since losing her mate two years ago.
Woman uses Google to catch criminal
An employee at the Roane County Courthouse went out three times with a convict on Maine's Most Wanted list.
"I typed in Robert Fain plus Maine," she recalled. "Maine's Most Wanted came up."
With great mugshot.
"I typed in Robert Fain plus Maine," she recalled. "Maine's Most Wanted came up."
With great mugshot.
'Flashing' Man Killed Being After Being Kicked Out Of Car
A 42-year-old man was hit and killed on Friday after he was kicked out of his friend's car for exposing his genitals to passing motorists and told to find his own way home.
Erection keeps burglar out of jail
A German burglar has escaped a prison sentence - because he suffers from a permanent erection.
Maurice Baumann, 32, was sentenced to a year's jail for burgling homes in the British army garrison town of Bielefeld.
But he escaped prison after entering hospital as an "emergency case" for his unrelenting priapism.
After a week's treatment, doctors admitted they were only able to get his manhood down to "half-mast".
Baumann told a court in Bielefeld: "I woke up one morning with a hard-on. I didn't think anything of it - that happens to men a lot. But mine never went down."
Maurice Baumann, 32, was sentenced to a year's jail for burgling homes in the British army garrison town of Bielefeld.
But he escaped prison after entering hospital as an "emergency case" for his unrelenting priapism.
After a week's treatment, doctors admitted they were only able to get his manhood down to "half-mast".
Baumann told a court in Bielefeld: "I woke up one morning with a hard-on. I didn't think anything of it - that happens to men a lot. But mine never went down."
Friday, March 10, 2006
Elvis Camera
Take pictures that look as though Elvis is right next to you with the Elvis Camera! Picture the King as a surfer serenading you by tropical moonlight or as a handsome G.I. taking you for a stroll in the park.
'Hats off' pub tells 82-year-old
An 82-year-old Women's Institute stalwart has been asked to remove her hat in a pub - because staff claimed it was a security risk.
Pupils write with both hands simultaneously
A school in India is reportedly teaching its students to use both their hands to write on different subjects simultaneously.
"Not just that, these children can use both their hands to write in two different languages on two different subjects at the same time".
"Not just that, these children can use both their hands to write in two different languages on two different subjects at the same time".
Doc May Have Been Drunk in Operating Room
The chief of neurosurgery at Highland Hospital was wrestled to an operating room floor by deputies and arrested after allegedly throwing a drunken fit when a nurse refused to let him operate.
Yay I got it working!
At a complete loss what to do I remembered something I posted ages ago about repairing scratched CDs by using vaseline and toothpaste. I tried it and the CD started at the beginning. There's definitely still a problem somewhere as I had to go through the wireless installation procedure to get the wired connection to work.
I'm not sure what's what, but I don't care as it works!
Normal service will be resumed later on today.
I'm not sure what's what, but I don't care as it works!
Normal service will be resumed later on today.
Thursday, March 09, 2006
AARRGGGHHH!!
Why didn't I just leave things alone!
I knew I was changing my interweb provider today, so I got up early to try to post before it changed. However I was too late and my old connection had been closed.
So I cobbled together a pay as you go dial up connection (which I'm posting this on now) and was just about to post here saying I probably wouldn't be posting today, when the postman arrived with my new wireless router etc.
So I installed everything and had it working fine this morning, albeit connected by wires. Should have left it!
Later I tried to connect the wireless USB adaptor to my PC. All went well I thought, but there was some problem with things not recognising my IP address or something. So I thought sod it, I'll go back to how it was ....
But now I can't get anything to work. I've spoken to people in call centres in Delhi, Bangalore and Chennai and now they reckon my installation CD is at fault as it keeps starting at 75%, so I have no chance of a clean reinstall. So now I'm stuck. And extremely pissed off with myself for not just leaving things alone.
The upshot being, they're sending a new CD (though I'm still not altogether sure that's the fault) and that will take at least 3 days.
Normal service will therefore be resumed ASAP. After the weekend I assume.
Sorry, but there's no-one more gutted about it than me.
Safe and Sound Pets Hearing Protection for Dogs
Inspired by pilots who know the noise level of the cockpit is unsafe for man or beast.... Mutt Muffs offer hearing protection for your four-legged family members.
Snore No More with Doctor Recommended Anti Snor Therapeutic Ring
AntiSnor is the latest, natural, drug free answer to the relief from snoring.
This Sterling Silver ring is worn on the small finger of the left hand while sleeping and works by acupressure.
Yeah.
This Sterling Silver ring is worn on the small finger of the left hand while sleeping and works by acupressure.
Yeah.
Carnivorous Creations
Grow your own collection of feared and famous meat-eating plants.
Including the Cobra Plant, Venus Fly Trap, Pitcher Plant, Trumpet Plant and more.
The plants attract insects to their traps by producing a sweet odor. When small insects touch tiny hairs of the plant, they set off triggers that cause the trap to close making escape impossible. Each type of carnivorous plant traps them in a different way.
I've had a few venus fly traps but they've always died. I didn't realise there were so many other carniverous plants.
Including the Cobra Plant, Venus Fly Trap, Pitcher Plant, Trumpet Plant and more.
The plants attract insects to their traps by producing a sweet odor. When small insects touch tiny hairs of the plant, they set off triggers that cause the trap to close making escape impossible. Each type of carnivorous plant traps them in a different way.
I've had a few venus fly traps but they've always died. I didn't realise there were so many other carniverous plants.
The No-Touch Paper Towel Dispenser and Cutter
The Point and Cut touchless paper towel dispenser has brought the dispensing of household-style paper towels into the new century. Manufactured in stainless steel with the highest of precision and quality, it makes getting a paper towel automatic, fast and easy.
You will love the convenience and speed of dispensing any amount of paper towel needed without touching anything!
You will love the convenience and speed of dispensing any amount of paper towel needed without touching anything!
Court Orders Fisherman to Apologize to Eagle
A peaceful Sunday of fishing turned sour for Josh Williams recently. The problems started when Mr. Williams hooked a nice smallmouth bass, and a bald eagle took notice. While the eagle swooped in, attempting to catch the bass in its talons, Mr. Williams was observed by a Fish and Wildlife Service officer trying to scare the eagle away by throwing stones at it.
Finding the man guilty of a misdemeanor violation of the Act. The judge was lenient in sentencing, however, requiring only that the man apologize to the eagle.
The eagle had no comment.
With photo of the man apologising.
Finding the man guilty of a misdemeanor violation of the Act. The judge was lenient in sentencing, however, requiring only that the man apologize to the eagle.
The eagle had no comment.
With photo of the man apologising.
Hubby dies day after wedding
A tragic bride told yesterday how she awoke the day after her wedding to find her new husband lying DEAD beside her in bed.
“We were drinking hot chocolate at 3.30am with friends, then went to bed. He was so happy and didn’t have a care in the world".
No disrespect, but he was a bit of a lard arse.
“We were drinking hot chocolate at 3.30am with friends, then went to bed. He was so happy and didn’t have a care in the world".
No disrespect, but he was a bit of a lard arse.
Woman Sues Hotel After Suffering 500 Bed Bug Bites
Last year, there were reports of serious bed bug infestations in dozens of states. Now, a Chicago woman is suing a hotel for $20 million after waking up one morning with more than 500 bed bug bites.
I've been bitten by bed bugs and God knows what else many times on my travels. It never occured to me to try suing.
I've been bitten by bed bugs and God knows what else many times on my travels. It never occured to me to try suing.
Man plants used condom garden in Florida
A Cape Coral, man gathered used condoms from a neighbouring yacht club parking lot and "planted" them on sticks in the street.
Robert Payne said he was tired of the "public copulation" happening nightly right outside his window at the Cape Coral Yacht Club.
Robert Payne said he was tired of the "public copulation" happening nightly right outside his window at the Cape Coral Yacht Club.
Super surfers oust couch potatoes
Browsing the interweb has overtaken watching TV as the nation's favourite leisure activity, says a new report.
A survey by search engine giant Google has found that Britons with internet access now spend more time surfing the web than watching the box.
The average web user now spends 164 minutes online each day, equal to more than 41 days per year, compared to 148 minutes or 37 days for TV viewers.
Men were the biggest internet addicts, spending an average of 172 minutes per day online compared to 156 minutes for women.
A survey by search engine giant Google has found that Britons with internet access now spend more time surfing the web than watching the box.
The average web user now spends 164 minutes online each day, equal to more than 41 days per year, compared to 148 minutes or 37 days for TV viewers.
Men were the biggest internet addicts, spending an average of 172 minutes per day online compared to 156 minutes for women.
Good behaviour scheme for teens
Well-behaved teenagers are to be rewarded with a so-called "good behaviour card" to spend on sport and leisure, under plans being unveiled.
Chancellor Gordon Brown wants to give 13-19 year-olds up to £25 a month to keep them "off the streets", as part of a crackdown on anti-social behaviour.
When I was a lad we had to make do with a clip round the ear.
Chancellor Gordon Brown wants to give 13-19 year-olds up to £25 a month to keep them "off the streets", as part of a crackdown on anti-social behaviour.
When I was a lad we had to make do with a clip round the ear.
Woman fined for applying make-up whilst driving
Pwllheli Magistrates Court heard on Wednesday how Donna Marie Maddock, 22, from Mold, was travelling at 32mph in a 40mph zone earlier this year.
She was using an eyeliner with one hand and a compact in the other.
Magistrates didn't bother banning her as she was banned last week for drink-driving.
She was using an eyeliner with one hand and a compact in the other.
Magistrates didn't bother banning her as she was banned last week for drink-driving.
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
M-7 Secret Agent Spy Ear
Secretly hear a whisper from across the room without anyone knowing you're even listening.
Obviously no-one would notice that you had a enormous piece of beige plastic sticking out of your ear.
Obviously no-one would notice that you had a enormous piece of beige plastic sticking out of your ear.
Man caught with 12-inch pepperoni stick in pants
Rodney A. Covington walked out of a Spring Hill supermarket Sunday night with a 12-inch pepperoni stick in his shorts, police said, and that got him arrested. When Covington, 34, walked past all the registers at the Kash n' Karry at 11160 Spring Hill Drive, he was confronted by the store's manager. According to a Sheriff's Office report, Covington lifted his shirt, "exposing the pepperoni stick." The manager then saw a 1-pound block of pepper jack cheese tucked into Covington's hip pocket. Covington waited for a deputy to arrive and then explained that he was carrying the meat and cheese in his pants because he had hurt his hand and couldn't carry a shopping basket.
British Bars Selling Sex Toys in Machines
Bars and nightclubs in London and other British cities have begun using vending machines that sell sex toys such as mini vibrators.
The pink Tabooboo machines had previously been used in public toilets in Britain, under the assumption that such settings gave buyers some privacy.
But Geoff Todd, manager of the Alphabet Bar in London's West End area, said the Tabooboo machine it installed in the middle of the bar is used daily.
The pink Tabooboo machines had previously been used in public toilets in Britain, under the assumption that such settings gave buyers some privacy.
But Geoff Todd, manager of the Alphabet Bar in London's West End area, said the Tabooboo machine it installed in the middle of the bar is used daily.
Prejudice claim by £1m-a-year gay banker
He claims he was fired because of his sexual orientation.
However, he has been accused of "masturbating in the shower cubicle" next to another male banker.
All those bankers.
However, he has been accused of "masturbating in the shower cubicle" next to another male banker.
All those bankers.
'Gay' penguins book frozen out in Missouri libraries
A children's book about two male penguins who raise a baby penguin has been moved to the nonfiction section of two public library branches after parents complained it had homosexual undertones.
Frozen Laird comes to his census
Praise be, Hamilton's Laird McGillicuddy has come back from the dead.
A sniffly Laird McGillicuddy Graeme Cairns was today recuperating at home after surviving 12 hours of cryogenic freezing in a chilly bid to dodge responsibility for filling out his census forms.
The good Laird was yesterday declared "legally dead" at 11.55am by his medical entourage of Dr Freeze, Dr Snakes, Dr Beere, Dr Weeds and Dr Qualified, who mixed the science of cryogenics with the dark arts of shamanism in Garden Place.
But today the Laird was back in the land of the living and preparing to tackle the legal debate over the finer points of his census-dodging experiences, which could yet land him a $500 fine.
Nice try.
A sniffly Laird McGillicuddy Graeme Cairns was today recuperating at home after surviving 12 hours of cryogenic freezing in a chilly bid to dodge responsibility for filling out his census forms.
The good Laird was yesterday declared "legally dead" at 11.55am by his medical entourage of Dr Freeze, Dr Snakes, Dr Beere, Dr Weeds and Dr Qualified, who mixed the science of cryogenics with the dark arts of shamanism in Garden Place.
But today the Laird was back in the land of the living and preparing to tackle the legal debate over the finer points of his census-dodging experiences, which could yet land him a $500 fine.
Nice try.
Family may provide evolution clue
Five siblings from Turkey who can only walk on all fours could provide science with an insight into human evolution, researchers have said.
The three sisters and two brothers could yield clues to why our ancestors made the transition from four-legged to two-legged animals.
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
Five Things Tag
I was tagged by Look At This... yesterday and it's taken me a while to answer some of these questions. Why couldn't he have asked me my five favourite films? But then I only have three. Kes, Withnail And I and The Blues Brothers, incidentally.
What were you doing ten years ago?
Not much. Not long before I'd been self employed for a fair few years doing marketing and advertising etc, when I was ripped off for a horrendous amount of money. I then spent another horrendous amount of money with lawyers trying to get the money I was owed to no avail. Waste of time. Too many freemasons involved.
Anyway, a lady friend I had at the time was manageress of an Oxfam charity shop so I helped out there quite a bit. That was an eye-opener. I couldn't believe the amount of shoplifting that went on. I bet there would've been less if it had been public knowledge that three of the guys that regulary worked behind the till were convicted murderers nearing the end of their sentences and out on day release from prison.
I kid you not. One of the guys was 32 and had been in prison for 14 years. He'd come out of a pub one night and had seen an acquaintance being beaten up by another guy, so he ran across, pulled the other guy off and impaled his head on a spiked railing. Strangely he had a five year-old son from a relationship he had had with a prison librarian.
Another guy was a jeweller who'd poisoned his wife.
What were you doing one year ago?
Going up the wall. Three years previously I'd sold my big victorian terraced house and bought a tiny semi-detached house in a semi-rural location with sheep and horses and rolling countryside at the bottom of the garden. Big mistake. I'd been lied to about the neighbours. Them, two beligerent teenage children, eight dogs, a dog grooming business in a shed in the garden. The noise started at 6am every morning and went on until 1am the next day. Seven days a week. 52 weeks a year.
It wore me down. Made me ill in the end. It also ruined a relationship I'd had with a lovely Irish lady who couldn't cope with the fact that I was struggling to cope.
That's when I started this blogging malarkey.
Anyway, I managed to sell the house at the end of last year, (despite the neighbours), and am now living peacefully in suburbia.
Five snacks you enjoy:
Midget gems
Peanuts
Plain chocolate biscuits
Vegetable samosas
Spicy chicken wings
Five songs to which you know all the lyrics:
How to choose? This was the easy question.
Nick Drake - Northern Sky
Dennis Brown/ Prince Mohammed - Money In My Pocket/Cool Runnings
The Clash - Guns Of Brixton
Graham Parker - You Can't Be Too Strong
Joe Jackson - A Slow Song
Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:
Make sure my mother was financially sorted so she could afford to do whatever she wished.
Buy a converted rice boat in the Backwaters of Kerala in India and chill.
Whilst in India I'd also go back to Madras, now named Chennai, and track down a few people I'd met whilst travelling years ago and hopefully make their lives a bit easier.
Get a car that is less than twenty years old.
Buy back the house I sold at the end of last year and install the most odious tenants I could find free of charge, on the proviso that they terrorised the neighbours and make their life a misery like those bastards did to me.
Five things you like doing:
Farting around on the interweb
Photoshoppery
Listening to music
Digressing
Being Lazy
Five things you would never wear again:
Oh God. In no particular order.
Clogs
Blue suede winklepickers
Tanks tops
Oxford bags
White leather jacket (got me dubbed the ice cream salesman)
Five favourite toys:
Computer
Car jump starter
Wacky digital TV/video box with two tuners
Kettle that changes colour
Old wind-up 78rpm gramophone with a big horn
You're it!
Armin
Miss Cellania
Exploding Aardvark
Chandira
Debbie
I was going to tag Tennessee Jed but it seems I'm a few weeks too late.
Anyway that's enough real life for now.
What were you doing ten years ago?
Not much. Not long before I'd been self employed for a fair few years doing marketing and advertising etc, when I was ripped off for a horrendous amount of money. I then spent another horrendous amount of money with lawyers trying to get the money I was owed to no avail. Waste of time. Too many freemasons involved.
Anyway, a lady friend I had at the time was manageress of an Oxfam charity shop so I helped out there quite a bit. That was an eye-opener. I couldn't believe the amount of shoplifting that went on. I bet there would've been less if it had been public knowledge that three of the guys that regulary worked behind the till were convicted murderers nearing the end of their sentences and out on day release from prison.
I kid you not. One of the guys was 32 and had been in prison for 14 years. He'd come out of a pub one night and had seen an acquaintance being beaten up by another guy, so he ran across, pulled the other guy off and impaled his head on a spiked railing. Strangely he had a five year-old son from a relationship he had had with a prison librarian.
Another guy was a jeweller who'd poisoned his wife.
What were you doing one year ago?
Going up the wall. Three years previously I'd sold my big victorian terraced house and bought a tiny semi-detached house in a semi-rural location with sheep and horses and rolling countryside at the bottom of the garden. Big mistake. I'd been lied to about the neighbours. Them, two beligerent teenage children, eight dogs, a dog grooming business in a shed in the garden. The noise started at 6am every morning and went on until 1am the next day. Seven days a week. 52 weeks a year.
It wore me down. Made me ill in the end. It also ruined a relationship I'd had with a lovely Irish lady who couldn't cope with the fact that I was struggling to cope.
That's when I started this blogging malarkey.
Anyway, I managed to sell the house at the end of last year, (despite the neighbours), and am now living peacefully in suburbia.
Five snacks you enjoy:
Midget gems
Peanuts
Plain chocolate biscuits
Vegetable samosas
Spicy chicken wings
Five songs to which you know all the lyrics:
How to choose? This was the easy question.
Nick Drake - Northern Sky
Dennis Brown/ Prince Mohammed - Money In My Pocket/Cool Runnings
The Clash - Guns Of Brixton
Graham Parker - You Can't Be Too Strong
Joe Jackson - A Slow Song
Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:
Make sure my mother was financially sorted so she could afford to do whatever she wished.
Buy a converted rice boat in the Backwaters of Kerala in India and chill.
Whilst in India I'd also go back to Madras, now named Chennai, and track down a few people I'd met whilst travelling years ago and hopefully make their lives a bit easier.
Get a car that is less than twenty years old.
Buy back the house I sold at the end of last year and install the most odious tenants I could find free of charge, on the proviso that they terrorised the neighbours and make their life a misery like those bastards did to me.
Five things you like doing:
Farting around on the interweb
Photoshoppery
Listening to music
Digressing
Being Lazy
Five things you would never wear again:
Oh God. In no particular order.
Clogs
Blue suede winklepickers
Tanks tops
Oxford bags
White leather jacket (got me dubbed the ice cream salesman)
Five favourite toys:
Computer
Car jump starter
Wacky digital TV/video box with two tuners
Kettle that changes colour
Old wind-up 78rpm gramophone with a big horn
You're it!
Armin
Miss Cellania
Exploding Aardvark
Chandira
Debbie
I was going to tag Tennessee Jed but it seems I'm a few weeks too late.
Anyway that's enough real life for now.
Pee and Poo
We are Pee and Poo. Escapees from the bathroom, we are entering the world on a journey filled with new adventure. Maybe we can stay with you for a while?
Lovely.
Lovely.
