Saturday, May 13, 2006

Monkey Mail

Buenos Aires Zoo - Together

Spray Paint Artist

Can you tell what it is yet?

Lists

Unlikely phrases from real phrasebooks.

The Zompist Phrasebook.

Blogging glossary.

The racial slur database. Not exactly politically correct.

Glossary of common terms used in escort reviews. Probably NSFW.

Drive Like a Kennedy



I'm sure you'll get the idea.

Avoiding the pink elephants and suchlike.

BBC falls for 'expert' cabbie's banter

It was not until midway through the live television interview that the BBC interviewer started to grow suspicious. The man whom she believed to be an expert on internet music downloads seemed to know precious little about his subject.

Not only that, but the stocky black man with the strong French accent bore little resemblance to the picture on the expert’s website, which showed a slim white man with blue eyes and blond hair.

The corporation’s News 24 channel apologised to its viewers yesterday and admitted that its interviewee was not Guy Kewney, the respected editor of Newswireless.net, but a local taxi driver.

It later emerged that the driver had been waiting for a client at the BBC Television Centre in West London, when a studio manager mistook him for the expert.

Confused but co-operative, he agreed to follow the manager to a studio, where he was promptly fitted with a microphone and placed in front of a camera.

Edit: Here's a direct link to a video of the interview, plus here is a You Tube link.

Edit Edit: It now turns out he wasn't a taxi driver at all, but was in fact Guy Goma, a graduate from the Congo, who was at the BBC for an interview.

Angry viewer sends human remains to Japan TV station

Japanese police are trying to identify cremated human remains that were mailed to the headquarters of a TV station by a viewer who was incensed at missing a cartoon.

A plastic bag containing ashes and shards of bone was delivered to TV Tokyo along with a note protesting TV Tokyo's decision to extend live coverage of the world table-tennis championships.

The viewer wrote that he had set his video to record the popular "Inu Kami" cartoon.

Tortoise's great but slow escape

A pet tortoise has been picked up wandering along a country lane nearly two miles from his home after being missing for eight months.

Horace had covered a distance of about 1.8 miles (2.9km) in eight months - which averages around 39ft (12m) a day.

Biker lurches from one accident to the next

A man on a scooter menaced a German town until angry locals performed a citizen's arrest on him at the scene of his third crash in two hours.

The 22-year-old man first crashed the scooter as he took a corner in the western town of Herzogenrath, losing his helmet in the process, police in nearby Aachen said.

Unfazed, the man remounted and ploughed straight into the back of a parked car. He flew head over heels through the back window, landing inside and causing some 2,000 euros (1,363 pounds) in damage.

Two hours later, bystanders were shocked as the scooter crashed leaving a gas station, this time with the man as passenger.

Dental Issues

Smile

More than 60 percent of Britons use items such as screwdrivers, scissors and earrings to remove food from between their teeth, according to a survey.

Others questioned by the British Dental Health Foundation said they used makeshift items, including knives, keys, needles and forks.

Internet Radio for the Dogs

A Thai entrepreneur has launched an Internet radio station to put dogs in a better mood.

Anupan Boonchuen, director of a dog grooming school, said he launched Dog Radio Thailand this week because he has seen music improve the mood of dogs he grooms.

The programming on dogradiothailand.com mainly comprises Thai pop music, but Boonchuen plans to expand offerings in which the disc jockey will "talk to the dogs in Thai," and the canine listener will be encouraged to respond.

Wheelchair Impounded After Accident

It happens every day there is an accident and you see a tow truck hauling off a vehicle. However, for one man who is disabled, that vehicle was his wheelchair.

And the police want $85 before he gets it back.

It's a miracle!

A wheelchair-bound Los Angeles woman, who has repeatedly filed lawsuits over access for the disabled, got up and ran after police arrested her for fraud.

Laura Lee Medley, 35,who claimed to be paralyzed from a drunk driving accident, had sued in at least four California cities over injuries she claimed she sustained while trying to navigate her wheelchair before she was suspected of fraud.

Eau de Stilton: cheesy perfume with a pong

Lovers of Britain's pungent Stilton cheese can now fill their nostrils with its notorious aroma, which has been captured in a new perfume, the makers said.

The Stilton Cheese Makers Association plans to introduce Eau de Stilton sometime this year or early next year.

The scent has the "earthy and fruity" aroma of the blue-veined cheese but is unlike the smell of "old socks" that some people associate with Stilton, the maufacturer claims.

One female Stilton employee told AFP: "I've had the perfume on all day and none of the men complained."

Thanks Annemarie.

Friday, May 12, 2006

Winter Woolies

Woof

How To Get Fired From Your Job

Get extremely drunk at the office party and call your boss 'cheap'.

Especially when he's standing right behind you.

Monkey Business

This monkey doesn't want her to stop.

I think this monkey is attempted to kidnap the dog.

Swansea North Residents Association

This is a spoof website set up my the manufacturers of sugary carbonated drink Tango.

They've made a TV advertisement parodying the Sony Bravia TV commercial.

The front door is here.

Interesting how the counter never moves from 32.

Crush A Desk

Choose a desk and crush it.

Angel

Woof

The secret language of sleep

Twelve simple questions to reveal a couple's ideal sleeping position.

Celebrity Real Names

Miss Cellania Has Moved

I know Miss Cellania can't access her blogger account so subsequently she can no longer update her page.

She has therefore started all over again at her own domain Miss Cellania dot com.

Tune in for all-day babysitting

A controversial TV channel went on the air yesterday aimed at infants aged between 6 months and 3 years.

BabyFirstTV, which is expected to come to Britain by the end of the year, flies in the face of advice from experts that children under 2 should be discouraged from watching television. However, the channel says that parents are dumping their children in front of the television anyway and better programming should be available.

You can enjoy BabyFirstTV here.

Does Viagra Keep Flowers From Wilting?

Divine vegetation in tutor’s garden

A gardener had a revelation when he dug up his asparagus plant and saw the face of Jesus.

Martin Gregory laid the 30-inch plant on the grass the sun shone down on the roots and revealed the face of Jesus to him.

Jesus?

"The roots are fantastic. You can actually make out a thorn crown around his head, his eyes and nose.

I've heard about Mother Theresa's face being seen in a bagel but I thought this was much better."

Englishman claims sovereignty over Norwegian island

The Barents Sea island of Nymark wants to break away from the King of Norway and be a republic. Or so says Alex Hartley.

The English artist is the self-proclaimed discoverer and ruler of Nymark, an uninhabited island the size of a football pitch. Nymark emerged in recent years as a glacier warmed and retreated from the sea.

He said he discovered the island in 2004 while on a trip around the Svalbard archipelago and named it Nymark -- "New Ground" in Norwegian.

Americans make reverse commute — to India

U.S. companies have been sending jobs overseas for years — 130,000 already in 2006, according to Forrester Research, which analyzes the technology market. It projects that the number will rise to more than 3.5 million by 2015.

But now there’s a twist — U.S. workers are taking jobs in India for what they see as a long-term investment in their future. And Indian companies are recruiting them.

Shamus the 300-pound gnome is stolen

Shamus should have been fitted with a pair of cement shoes - something his owner said would have kept him safe.

But today, Shamus, a 300-pound cement lawn gnome, is gone -- vanished from his perch atop a large rock, holding dominion over a spacious lawn and flowering crab tree at the end of Ed and Patricia Larkin’s driveway on Mount Pleasant Street.

Shamus Not Shamus

The Larkins fear the worst, especially because this is the second gnome that’s been swiped from their property in the past two years.

"On a global scale, it’s silly for us to be so upset...there are much more serious problems being faced by people," said Pat Larkin. "But when I came home from work the other night, I could not believe my eyes. Shamus was not there. I went into the house screaming, ’Shamus is gone! Shamus is gone!’ It was like losing a child."

Sicilian village spooked by seemingly spontaneous combustion

Spontaneous fires started in mid-January in the town of Canneto di Caronia, in about 20 houses. After a brief respite last month, the almost daily fires have flared up again — even though electricity to the village was cut off.

An endless flow of scientists, engineers, police and even a few self-styled “ghostbusters” have descended on the town, searching for clues to the recent spontaneous combustion of everything from fuse boxes to microwave ovens to a car.

The blazes, originally blamed on the devil, have not hurt anyone.

Man strangles his penis-pulling partner

A Cambodian man, tired of his wife's habit of waking him up by yanking his penis and testicles, finally had enough and wrung her neck, police said.

Deputy provincial police chief of north-eastern Kratie province, Chhoub Chenda, said In Thoeun, 38, fell asleep after drinking on May 20, and when his wife Touch Svet, 29, came to wake him up in her usual painful way, his temper apparently flared and he grabbed her by the neck, killing her instantly.

Another UK girl pregnant at 11 years old

A chain-smoking schoolgirl told last night how she fell pregnant during a drunken romp — at the age of just 11.

Lighting her third roll-up cigarette and watched by her proud 34-year-old mum, she confessed: “I didn’t think I’d get pregnant because it was my first time".

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Envy

UK X-Factor Audition

This is quite an old clip featuring Robert Unwin who worked in a chicken factory.

Following this audition, I believe he still works in a chicken factory.

Australian Idol Audition

This is another old clip featuring Joel Turner, who isn't really a singer.

I understand he's gone onto greater things though.

Prisoners' Inventions

This project was a collaboration with Angelo, an incarcerated artist. He illustrated many incredible inventions made by prisoners to fill needs that the restrictive environment of the prison tries to supress.

The inventions cover everything from homemade sex dolls, condoms, salt and pepper shakers to chess sets.

SFW.

The Rumble Seat

Rumble Seat is a new way to enjoy music individually and with friends.

Several Rumble Seats can be linked together to allow a group of people to enjoy each other’s music and create unity through sound.

Squirrels

DNA Tests Confirm Bear Was a Polar/Grizzly Hybrid

Unfortunately it was only indentified after it had been shot.

Toddler playing with gun shoots man dead

A toddler shot a man dead with a revolver he found in a cupboard, police in California said.

The three-year-old boy apparently found the revolver in a bedroom cupboard while his mother fed his one-year-old sister, and two aunts and a grandmother played cards.

When the boy walked into the living room playing with the gun, the adults tried to get him to put it down. But the pistol fired and struck Luis Fernando Zepeda-Silva.

Vegetable cooking linked to tooth decay

Cooking vegetables in different ways could cut down on tooth decay, scientists have claimed.

Certain methods of cooking them can make vegetables as acidic as fizzy drinks, according to a new study.

Researchers at Dundee's dental school made the discovery while experimenting with the vegetarian dish ratatouille.

They found that, compared with stewing, oven-roasting significantly increased the acidity of vegetables such as green peppers, aubergines and courgettes.

'Council fails to care for my Afro'

A disabled student has accused Reading Borough Council of failing his cultural needs because they don’t allow his carer enough time to tend his Afro hairdo.

Afro

Dave Jurgenson, who suffers from severe cerebral palsy, said more time should be allocated to care for his distinctive Afro-style hair.

He said: “They don’t give me the hours to braid my hair and wash and plait it. If I am invited to go somewhere special I can’t go with a big Afro".

Edit: I'm not too sure how long the Get Reading link will last, so here's another. Without photo.

A great incentive to succeed the next time...

A German man who unsuccessfully tried to kill himself by jumping in front of a train must pay compensation for the damage he caused.

A spokesman for the court said the 47-year-old man leapt too late to land under the train and instead crashed through the side window of the driver's cabin. He suffered head wounds but no other lasting physical injuries.

For repairs to the train and lost wages for the driver, Munich municipal authorities sued for damages of some 4,200 euros ($5,325). The court ordered the man to pay half the sum.

Dogs with a nose for fake DVDs

Two black labradors have become the first dogs to be trained to detect fake DVDs.

The dogs, which have a sense of smell up to 100,000 times more sensitive than people, were trained for eight months and can detect the chemicals used in the making of the discs.

Girl of 11 gives birth

A man aged 37 has been arrested after an 11-year-old girl gave birth to a baby boy.

He took the girl to the Hillingdon Hospital, in Uxbridge, West London, where she complained of stomach pains.

She was given two paracetamol — but went into labour as she sat on the loo.

The man and the girl are thought to be visitors to the UK from Africa, possibly from Somalia.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Relax

Zzzz

Talk Show

I first saw this a few weeks ago and assumed it was a spoof talk show.

Now I am advised it is Belgium and allegedly the guy with the peculiar voice has had his testicles removed.

The host deals with it so well.

That's my beer

What is wrong with this cat?

Journalist hit by plane wing

I'll bet that hurt.

But he was okay, and professional to the end.

Woo

Illusion

Text to Speech

With a variety of characters and several different languages.

The Happy Poster Project

Download your favourite poster(s) from the selection. Print/photocopy as many copies as you think you'll need. Put one up at work or home. Then walk down your local High/Main St asking shop owners and managers if you can put a happy poster in their window.

You'll feel a bit silly at first; that's to be expected.

The Daily Kitten

A new kitten every day ... at 3.07pm GMT, (10.07am EST).

There's only two pictures on a page. Click next page at the bottom.

Fishn'Flush, the worlds only toilet bowl fish tank with a removable aquarium

Coming soon to a bathroom near you.

Tattoos on lower back problematic during childbirth



Large tattoos on the lower back and buttocks can lead to problems for women during childbirth, as the marking could prevent doctors from applying a local anaesthetic.

Tattoos are frequently positioned on the lower back, precisely where doctors inject the painkiller along the spine. Injecting through tattooed skin carries the risk of transmitting allergens or poisonous pigments into deep tissues, leading to irritation.

Entering Splitsville, China

Farmer Yan Shihai was happily married for more than 30 years. Then late last year, seemingly out of the blue, the 57-year-old grandfather and his loving wife got a divorce.

Within months, all three of his adult children and their spouses also split up. So did almost every other married person in Yan's village of 4,000 — an astounding 98% of Renhe's married couples officially parted, according to the local government.

But instead of tension or tears, the couples waiting in line at the local registry to end their marriages were practically jolly. They believed they taking advantage of a legal loophole that allowed them to get an extra apartment.

As they understood the compensation deal, each married couple would receive a small two-bedroom apartment in return for their land and farmhouse. Those divorced would get a one-bedroom apartment each. The villagers figured that would be a better deal, that they could live in one apartment and make a little extra income from selling or renting out the extra one.

Mother help teenagers bake laxative laced cookies

For their teacher.

"We made these cookies just for you, hope you enjoy them".

Man charged in dildo assault

A 37-year-old man remained in police custody, charged with a violent assault against his former girlfriend. He has testified that his only weapon was a dildo.

The 28-year-old victim remained in the hospital after suffering a concussion, two broken fingers and several cuts.

Farmer's gallows sales attacked

A British farmer who builds gallows and has sold them to African countries with poor human rights records has been condemned by Amnesty International.

David Lucas, of Mildenhall, Suffolk, said he had been selling execution equipment to countries including Zimbabwe for about 10 years.

Gallows

The execution equipment he says he sells ranges from single gallows, at about £12,000 each, to "Multi-hanging Execution Systems" mounted on lorry trailers, costing about £100,000.

Please don't misunderstand me here, but £12,000 for three bits of wood and a length of rope?

UK 'has worst behaviour problem in Europe'

Hospital bars foetus photos man

75-year-old Edward Atkinson has been denied hip treatment after health officials warned him about sending hospital staff pictures of aborted foetuses.

Man cycles 335,500 miles on the same bike, arrives in UK

Within hours it's been stolen.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Beer

Mine's a pint

Hello Kitty

Dalmation Riding A Bike

In Japan.

I'd be more impressed if it did it without the stabilisers.

50 Animals Driving

From the creator of 50 animals in casts, you can now see 50 animals driving.

Smoking Baby

Studies show that ceramic babies are born with a natural predilection for miniaturized incense masquerading as cigarettes.

So help them scratch that itch with this 2 3/4" tall diapered baby, equipped with a pack of ten Li'l Smokes plus one in his mouth ready to burn.




This product is involved in a trademark dispute with Philip Morris.

Not because the tobacco giant is offended by the thought of an infant lighting up, but rather because the diapered cigarette enthusiast appears to be enjoying a trademarked Marlboro.

5,000 People. 1 Unique Tribe. 1 Fijian Island.

A tribe is wanted.

Imagine having a unique influence in the creation of an ecological island community. Imagine being able to visit and stay on that island. Imagine playing an exclusive role in a history making adventure.

Stop imagining. Start believing.

Welcome to Adventure Island.

Full throttle with the Blue Angels

Steve Beatty, a journalist went up in an F/A-18 jet.

He only passed out three times.

There's an alternative full window link here, though it maybe slow to load.

Invisible Book Shelf

Toilet Lid Sink



With each flush of your commode, clean water that would otherwise go straight down the toilet is first routed up through a chrome gooseneck spigot to dispense pure water for hand washing.

Collar a new love at dating event

A Devon animal charity is launching a speed dating event with a difference - anyone attending can bring their dog.

You can see the splendidly designed Lead Me To Love website here.

Christian dies during attempt at 40-day fast

A devout Christian has died while undertaking a religious fast during which she only drank water.

Rosaline Gilbert, 34, died 23 days into the 40-day fast.

Miss Gilbert, a catering worker, of Hackney, east London, had apparently decided to emulate Christ's 40 days and 40 nights of starvation in the wilderness.

Rare Mirage Lasts for 4 Hours off East China Shore

Thousands of tourists and local residents witnessed a mirage of high clarity lasting for four hours off the shore of Penglai City in east China's Shandong Province on Sunday.

Mirage

Mists rising on the shore created an image of a city, with modern high-rise buildings, broad city streets and bustling cars as well as crowds of people all clearly visible.

The city of Penglai had been soaked by two days of rain before the rare weather phenomenon occurred.

Woman Doing Nails Causes Flight To Be Diverted

The flight crew detected a funny odour. Several containers of the hazardous substance acetone were on board but none of them were leaking.

Later, it was determined that the odour came from a passenger who was doing her nails on the flight. It was not immediately clear whether