Wednesday, April 01, 2009

For one day only

Happy April Fool's Day

Here's a cat boxing with a dog

Boxer delivers knock-out blow

Cat attacks fish

Free Funerals from Laptops Direct

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We will help you pay for some, or all of the funeral expenses, depending on the package you choose. We have a range of subtle and tasteful sponsorship positions available throughout the service each bringing you a contribution cost. Please note that in order for us to be able to offer this service we do require a minimum of 50 mourners, this ensures we will get the exposure required to cover the cost of the sponsorship.



All our sponsorship opportunities are designed to be non intrusive to the proceedings. We can tailor the list of options to your requirements giving you complete control of the service. You will have a dedicated funeral assistant at Laptops Direct who can help with any queries you may have.


Full details here.

Swimming fish could be key to generating electricity for UK homes

Harnessing the power of swimming fish could hold the key to generating electricity to power Britain's homes in the future, according to Government scientists.

The Environment Agency's Horizon Scanning Team found the nation's rivers are full of untapped energy in the form of fish migrating upstream.

By installing networks of electric prongs along the riverbed, the energy can be captured and fed into the National Grid.

Environmentalists welcomed the opportunity to not only generate clean energy but ensure rivers are maintained for wildlife.

However, there was concern that areas for fishing could be out of bounds in future and wildlife or even fishermen could be electrocuted by the prongs.

The project, codenamed 'Finetics', builds on Japanese technology that captures energy from people walking over pressure sensitive mats at train stations.

Baby baptised with lemon cola in Norway

A Norwegian church used lemon-flavoured cola instead of water in a baptism ceremony after its taps were temporarily turned off because of freezing temperatures.

Priest Paal Dale from the town of Stord, about 150 miles west of the capital Oslo, improvised during a recent cold-spell by dabbing the lemon fizzy water on a baby during a baptism ceremony.



"It had gone flat," Dale was said. "Only the lemon smell made this unusual."

Dale said the child's family were informed about the switch only after the ceremony because the priest "had a need to inform" them about the lingering lemon scent. "They didn't say much, but I assumed they smelled the aroma as well," Dale said.

EU plans to put tracking devices in new vehicles

The government is backing a project to install a "communication box" in new cars to track the whereabouts of drivers anywhere in Europe.

Under the proposals, vehicles will emit a constant "heartbeat" revealing their location, speed and direction of travel. The EU officials behind the plan believe it will significantly reduce road accidents, congestion and carbon emissions. A consortium of manufacturers has indicated that the router device could be installed in all new cars as early as 2013.

However, privacy campaigners warned last night that a European-wide car tracking system would create a system of almost total road surveillance. Details of the Cooperative Vehicle-Infrastructure Systems (CVIS) project, a £36m EU initiative backed by car manufacturers and the telecoms industry, will be unveiled this year.

But unpublished documents detailing the proposed uses for the system are available. They confirm that it could have profound implications for privacy, enabling cars to be tracked to within a metre - more accurate than current satellite navigation technologies.

Cosmonauts banned from using astronauts' space station toilet

It was supposed to be the final frontier, where the petty jealousies of earth and other planetary concerns were left behind. But space is not the haven of international harmony it used to be. Once upon a time, astronauts on the international space station shared resources - food, equipment, facilities. But now, a veteran Russian cosmonaut has complained that he is not even allowed to use his American colleagues' exercise bike - or his toilet.

According to Gennady Padalka, commercial squabbles on earth are starting to compromise morale in space. For seven glorious years after his first space mission in 1998, Padalka said he and his American astronauts had cooperated brilliantly. All this changed in 2005 when space missions were put on a commercial footing, he said, and Moscow started billing the US for sending its astronauts into orbit.



Padalka said that officials had rejected his request to work out on the American exercise bike during their pre-training mission. Worse than that, they had also ruled that American and Russian crew members should use their own "national toilets", with Russian crew banned from using the luxurious American astro-loo.

"What is going on has an adverse effect on our work," Padalka, 50, was quoted as saying in an interview before he and his crew mates blasted off to the international space station last Thursday. They arrived safely on Saturday.

'Death Row' could go up for sale

Legislators in California are considering "selling Death Row" which could raise up to $2 billion (£1.4 billion) in much-needed funds thanks to the correctional facility's prime location and enviable vistas.

The San Quentin State Prison, which was built in 1852, houses more than 5,300 inmates, including 635 prisoners sentenced to death. Situated in picturesque Marin County, it occupies a 435-acre site in one of Northern California's most desirable locations, and boasts panoramic views over San Francisco Bay.

Estate agents estimate that the land would be worth over $2 billion on the open market, and predict there would be considerable interest from property developers keen to build luxury apartments and offices on the site.

If plans to sell the prison are approved, lawmakers in California will build a new correctional facility – complete with expanded accommodations for the state's growing Death Row population – with the proceeds, a project that will cost an estimated $1 billion (£700 million). Profits from the sale would go towards stemming the Golden State's burgeoning budget gap, which is projected to reach $42 billion (£29 billion) within two years.

Twitter switch for Guardian, after 188 years of ink

Consolidating its position at the cutting edge of new media technology, the Guardian today announces that it will become the first newspaper in the world to be published exclusively via Twitter, the sensationally popular social networking service that has transformed online communication.

The move, described as "epochal" by media commentators, will see all Guardian content tailored to fit the format of Twitter's brief text messages, known as "tweets", which are limited to 140 characters each. Boosted by the involvement of celebrity "twitterers", such as Madonna, Britney Spears and Stephen Fry, Twitter's profile has surged in recent months, attracting more than 5m users who send, read and reply to tweets via the web or their mobile phones.

As a Twitter-only publication, the Guardian will be able to harness the unprecedented newsgathering power of the service, demonstrated recently when a passenger on a plane that crashed outside Denver was able to send real-time updates on the story as it developed, as did those witnessing an emergency landing on New York's Hudson River. It has also radically democratised news publishing, enabling anyone with an internet connection to tell the world when they are feeling sad, or thinking about having a cup of tea.



"[Celebrated Guardian editor] CP Scott would have warmly endorsed this - his well-known observation 'Comment is free but facts are sacred' is only 36 characters long," a spokesman said in a tweet that was itself only 135 characters long.

A mammoth project is also under way to rewrite the whole of the newspaper's archive, stretching back to 1821, in the form of tweets. Major stories already completed include "1832 Reform Act gives voting rights to one in five adult males yay!!!"; "OMG Hitler invades Poland, allies declare war see tinyurl.com/b5x6e for more"; and "JFK assassin8d @ Dallas, def. heard second gunshot from grassy knoll WTF?"

Sceptics have expressed concerns that 140 characters may be insufficient to capture the full breadth of meaningful human activity, but social media experts say the spread of Twitter encourages brevity, and that it ought to be possible to convey the gist of any message in a tweet.

Animal Park unveils tartan sheep

A Scottish animal farm has come up with a novel way to celebrate next week’s Tartan Week – by unveiling the country’s first ever tartan sheep.

The wacky idea has been dreamt up by the East Lothian farm’s owner Grant Bell who hopes the spectacle will entice more visitors to his farm

As people throughout the world celebrate all things Scottish, a piper will lead the flock of the tartan sheep around the popular East Links Family Park attraction.



Grant said: “I was asked by the local council to get involved in Tartan Week last year and I was delighted to participate again this year.

“The sheep are a great attraction for the public and are the talking point of the area. I’ve been in touch with the local vets and they are fine with it all because we use non-toxic paints.”

He joked: “I’ve been telling all the kids that come to the farm that I have connections with the Clan McHaver and I’ve managed to get a few of these rare sheep sent down from the Highlands. I tell them the lambs are actually born a light shade of blue and don’t become fully tartan until they are around one year old.”

Pets keep fit with Pawlates

The UK's first ever pet only gym - Animal Active - is set to be launched soon.

Trials have already taken place at Sir Richard Branson’s health club Virgin Active, in Acton, with gym members encouraged to bring their pets for a work out.



Trained exercise co-ordinators will run a series of group exercise classes which will include Pooch Paunch Buster, Puuuroebics, Wag Attack, Canine Crunch and Pawlates.

There will also be a weigh-in area for all pet owners to come and check the weight of their pet. A full time vet and pet nutritionist will also be on hand to answer any health and diet queries.



Sir Richard Branson said: "The UK obesity epidemic is affecting the whole family, animals included. With more overweight and unfit pets living in the UK than ever before, we want to tackle this head on.

"Opening our first ever 'Animal Active' is a great way to do this. We hope that members and their pets will enjoy working out together."

Fire service introduces hijab headscarves for Muslim workers

Pop into the firestation and the chances are there'd be a group of reassuringly burly men in there waiting for the call out, with uniforms and firefighting suits tailored for their use alone.

The one or two women among them would have to make do with ill-fitting adaptations of the men's outfits while the handful of Muslim women in the service would be wearing their own head scarfs.



But, with the fire service anxious to attract recruits of all sexes and backgrounds, it was decided that something had to be done.

So yesterday the results were uneveiled, including full-length skirts, hijab headscarfs and long- sleeved shirts for Muslim women recruits.

Taking the next step in sat-nav

A pair of shoes with built-in satellite-navigation are set to revolutionise the way we find our way about town.

The trainers cost £129.95 and contain a GPS tracking chip that works just like the one in your car. You simply type a postcode into the display on the tongue and the shoes will guide you there.



An LED light bubble on the tip of each foot acts as a visual guide showing whether to turn left, right or go straight ahead. A loud beep signals if you've taken a step in the wrong direction.

There's also a waterproof speaker in the heel that can be activated to give proper voice details of where you're heading.



And the Sat Nav Shoes even hook up to a Bluetooth headset meaning you don't have to annoy passers-by with the monotone drone.

Droidwear, who make the gizmos, claims they'll put an end to fumbling through a map as you pound the streets. They also cut the risk of bashing into a lamppost as you search for directions on your mobile phone.

Torch traps clubbers using drugs

Police are shining 'magic torches' into clubbers' faces to check for tiny traces of cocaine – and now employers and parents are being encouraged to follow suit.

Forces across the country are buying the £40 torches which can make any microscopic particles of cocaine or amphetamine that are invisible to the naked eye appear bright green.

Officers say the UV lights work as well as ones costing ten times as much and make it easy to spot the tin­iest traces of cocaine on nasal hair.

But drug campaigners have suggested the UV lights could be unlawful. Claudia Rubin, head of policy at drugs charity Release, said: 'Searching someone's nostrils could amount to a cavity search and is a serious breach of individual privacy.'

The torches are produced by Wrexham-based JNE Marketing, intending them to be used to show markings on stolen property.

It only realised they could be used to spot drugs when police officers starting asking about them. They will detect cocaine that is at least 87 per cent pure and 78 per cent pure amphetamine of, including some, but not all, Ecstasy pills.

Anti-smoking ads can't be shown before 7:30pm

An anti-smoking advert by the Department of Health could frighten or distress young children because it preyed on their fears by suggesting their parents might die, the advertising watchdog has ruled.

More than 60 people complained that the Government's "Scared" campaign on TV and radio would cause children stress or worry by suggesting their parents could die imminently if they smoked.

The Advertising Standards Authority (ASA) ruled that the TV advert should not be shown again in its current form before 7.30pm.



In the advert, which begins in a darkened room, a child's voice says "I'm not scared of the dark", then "I'm not scared of spiders", and adds "I'm not scared of clowns". As a schoolgirl is shown scowling on a street corner, the voice-over continues: "I'm not scared of Becky Taylor." But as a woman is shown smoking as she talks to another woman in a school playground, the young girl's voice continues: "I'm scared of my mum smoking. I'm scared that my mum will die."

The ASA ruled that the "emotive" advert was likely to have more of an impact on adult smokers if their children were present and added that it "recognised the serious and worthwhile nature of the anti-smoking message".

But the regulator added: "We considered that hearing an otherwise fearless peer say she was scared her mum might die because she smoked could frighten and distress young children, particularly if they had misunderstood that the risk of death was imminent."

Man invents invisible car

A British inventor has come up with the definitive solution to the curse of the speed camera – an invisible car.

Alberto – who comes from Birmingham but refuses to give his surname for fear of prosecution – has, after years of experimentation and research, at last found a way to fool the motorist’s nemesis.

He has rendered his Westfield sports car – capable of doing 0-60 in under four seconds – invisible to speed cameras by wrapping it in a specially formulated clear plastic film.

“It is beautiful in its simplicity,” Alberto explained. “The plastic film appears completely normal to the human eye. But the flash of the camera reacts with molecules in the film and light is reflected outwards to make the car appear invisible in pictures.”

It has taken several years to develop the product so it can be easily applied to the bodywork of the car and is heat-resistant to the extreme temperatures around the engine area. “By making my car unrecognisable to the authorities if I set off one of these Government cash-cows, they won’t be getting any more of my hard-earned money,” Alberto said.

But he admits there is a snag. The inventor said: “My main problem at the moment is covering the wheels and developing an invisible suit to wear. I’m trying new ways to overcome these problems. Then the whole car will appear invisible to the cameras.”

Scientists test benefits of talking to plants

Of all the statements for which the Prince of Wales has been lampooned, one has endured more than most in the public imagination and done much to cement his reputation for eccentricity. Now, more than two decades after he said that it was “very important” to talk to plants and that “they respond”, the Royal Horticultural Society is trying to determine if he was right.

It is conducting a study into how – if at all – the human voice affects tomato plants. Open auditions are to be held today at the RHS garden, at Wisley, Surrey, to find voices to make recordings of Shakespeare’s verse and John Wyndham’s The Day of the Triffids. These will then be played to ten plants around the clock.



Each tomato plant will “listen” to a different recording through the headphones of an MP3 player attached to its pot at root level. The plants will be kept in the same greenhouse and measured before, during and after the experiment. Control plants will be left in peace.

“One of the primary functions of the RHS is scientific research into plants and how to get them to grow better,” James Rudoni, the head of Wisley, said. “Prince Charles talks to plants. Let’s see if there’s something in this.”

Mechanic wins £400,000 after cutting finger on knife in police car

The Metropolitan Police have been left with a £500,000 bill after a civilian technician was left in fear of HIV after cutting his fingers on a knife left behind in a squad car.

The force had accused Alexander Darg, of "wanting to be a millionaire" and coming to court in search "a quick bit of cash", even backing up their claims that he was exaggerating his disabilities with DVDs, secretly shot by inquiry agents. However, top judge, Sir Robert Nelson, accepted that his suffering was genuine and awarded Mr Darg, of Meopham, Kent, £400,000 damages.

Mr Darg was checking an air bag fault in the police car at east London's Limehouse Police Station in September 2002 when his fingers slid along the blade of the knife which had been left wedged between the two front seats, London's High Court heard.

The cuts to two fingers on the mobile vehicle technician's left hand have long since healed, but the accident left him in terror of HIV and triggered devastating Chronic Regional Pain Syndrome (CRPS), affecting many parts of his body. He has been unable to work since.

In court, the Met's lawyers accused Mr Darg of "spicing up" his disabilities. They attacked his damages claim as "essentially false" and argued he was due compensation only for superficial lacerations to his fingers which had swiftly healed.

Mr Darg had originally claimed about a million pounds in damages from the Met and, although the judge cut that down to £400,000, the force will still have to pay the heavy legal costs of the High Court hearing. They must pay the first £100,000 tranche of those costs straight away.