Panic not, Mother

When gap-year travellers email home, they mean to calm the fears of anxious parents. But these glimpses of hair-raising adventures in faraway lands can have the opposite effect - as this selection from Simon Hoggart and Emily Monk's new book shows.

A few examples:

· Well, I got mugged again, trying to get across eight lines of traffic from Cinelandia to the Modern Art Museum in the pouring rain. He did have a knife, but he wasn't particularly threatening, and he let me open my wallet and give him the notes, rather than taking everything, which would have been a pain. It's OK. I'm used to it now.

· The accommodation is OK. Well, it's interesting, a bit sticky on the floor and a few cockroaches but it's OK. I'm staying in a little place about 40 minutes from Sydney on the train. It's a small town, loads of crime, drugs etc, etc, a bit like Stoke - only less pottery.

· Helped amputate a leg with the vascular fellow, got to tie off all the vessels and suture up the muscle and skin, which was all good. I have managed to have a couple of free lunches too, which was also nice.

· Guess what happened to me last night [in Sydney]? We were walking back to the hostel and some guy jumped out of his car and whacked me across the head with a hammer - the bit you take nails out with. Then he punched George in the face and drove off.

· Dad, you keep complaining about my spending but the longer you fail to get this problem sorted out, the more money will get spent. Beijing is an expensive place to piss about going to banks all day, plus its 39 degrees outside, which makes me annoyed the minute I step out of the hotel. Seriously, I don't know how much longer I can last . . . I'm fucking fed up with this, stop sending me sarcastic emails and telling me "it doesn't add up". I DON'T GIVE A FUCK. Just go down to HSBC and don't leave until you're convinced that something has taken place which will enable me to come home . . . I don't care if you have to use all your savings to pay off my overdraft, or if you have to sell your car, PLEASE JUST GET ME HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Apologies for the NSFW language in the final email, it's just that the unselfishness of it all made me laugh.