Monday, March 26, 2007

Man banned from pub for repeated flatulence

A pub regular has been barred from his favourite Dunfermline boozer – for indiscriminate wind breaking.

Management at the bar say Stewart Laidlaw “revels” in his bouts of flatulence and other punters have almost been sick after exposure to the foul smells.

Mr Laidlaw (35), who is furious at the ban by Thirsty Kirsty’s, is thought to be the first person in West Fife to be barred for breaking wind.

The James Street pub’s owner says the stench has become unbearable since Scotland’s smoking ban came in last year but suspects drinkers could have been breathing in the waft for years before without noticing it.

Stewart Laidlaw

Former Woodmill High School pupil Mr Laidlaw, who lives in Edinburgh, admits he may have broken wind in the pub in the past but claims the ban by landlord John Thow is “petty”.

The Harvey Nichols stock assistant said, “I went in and basically he turned round and said, ‘Stewart, that’s the last fart you do in this pub. Get out.’

“I didn’t even have a chance to draw breath. I just walked in and that’s all he said to me. I don’t know if he meant I’d done it before or just then. He didn’t let me ask.

“What I remember when I walked in was there was a guy playing pool and it was already stinking and everyone was laughing. It could have been anyone.

“I’ve probably done it in the past – when you’re drinking and having a laugh you don’t think about it – but that’s not the point. I must be the first person in Dunfermline to get banned from a pub for passing wind."

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I used to work with Stewart, many years ago. And I'm not that surprised to read this story, especially the 'revelling in his own flatulence' bit - sounds exactly like him.

I am very disappointed that he didn't use the standard 'He who smelt it, dealt it' defence. This would have completely exonerated him. Quick thinking was never his strong point.