The string vest finally comes unspun

Once an essential of the British wardrobe deemed so useful that the military tested its operational merits, the string vest will soon be consigned to fashion history as it has been withdrawn from sale by major clothing retailers such as Asda and Tesco.

Changing fashion tastes and that nemesis of male slobbishness – women – are apparently to blame for the string vest’s demise. Ed Watson, spokesman for Asda, said: “While a string vest looks good on a man when he is fit, slim and well-muscled, it simply reveals too much flesh when things begin to sag,” he said. “The unobscured view of bulging waistlines, hairy chests and – worst of all – sweaty armpits, placed prominently on display by the baggy, open-structured string vest was too much for many wives and girlfriends to bear.”



A spokeswoman for Tesco said: “I would love to say that there’s a lot of holes in this story, but the truth is that we don’t sell them any more either. I haven’t seen anyone wearing one for a long, long time.”

Hope does remain. Yesterday Marks & Spencer insisted that reports of the string vest’s death were exaggerated, claiming that its mesh string number was among the most popular of the 25 vests it sells every minute.