Friday, December 16, 2016

I must apologise for the delay in replying

But what became quickly apparent soon after uploading my last post was quite how unwell I am. Fistly, many, many thanks for all of your kind comments following my last post. They are extremely appreciated. Similarly, thank you very much for all of the emails I've received - none of which I've replied to as of yet - but this is the first time I've sat down at a computer for more than a couple of minutes in weeks.

Immediately after uploading my last post here, I wandered around to the local shops - which are a two minute walk away - and within minutes was virtually paralysed with exhaustion. I managed to purchase a few things then had to sit on the pavement outside the store before eventually making it back home. I know I should have visted the doctor, but it's quite a walk away - and I'd never have made it. Also, the last time I visted the shops, due to the circumstances, I didn't get any cash from the ATM - so I've had no money to get a taxi. I've been hoping that if I rested I would be able to regain some energy. Sadly, this has not happened.

Thankfully my fridge, freeezer and cupoards were previously well stocked - so I've been able to eat okay. However, as of this morning my fridge was completely empty, so, for the first time in weeks I had to venture out to the shops again. I thought if 'paced' myself I'd be okay. Sadly this didn't turn out to be the case and I had what I can only really describe as having a 'funny turn'. The very kind ladies in the local Co-op quickly got me a chair and then ordered me a taxi in order to make the short journey home. And so here I am. I suspect I should be in hospital - I really am in a lot of pain - and just walking upstairs can be a massive struggle. However, I'm a stubborn bloody idiot and having spent the best part of a year in hospital when I was a child, I think it's fair to say I'm not a big fan of the places.

Particularly at this time of year. So, unless something dramatic happens, my plan is to pace myself over the next three weeks or so - I think I have enough food in the freezer and cupboards - and then contact the medical people. Due to various anxiety 'issues' I've suffered over the last decade or so, I've lost touch with just about everyone I used to consider to be a 'friend'. So I'm pretty much on my own with this one. Apologies for this being a misery-fest, I but thought it was best to keep you up to date. Also, while I'm thankful to Ratz for organising the gofundme page, I'd be extremely grateful if the money kindly donated was returned to the original donors. I'll do my best to keep you up to date with whatever transpires. In the meantime, I hope you have a lovely Christmas and a Happy New Year.



Anonymous said...

Your description of how you feel is quite worrying, although I am sure with the right care you will recover.

Please look after yourself. If you feel like returning doing your posts, then great, but that is in the future. Your priority is to get well again. Hopefully this will be soon.


Anonymous said...

What Dave said! Please take care of yourself. That is your first priority.


jane martin said...

So sorry things are not doing well by now. Sounds like you truly need to get some medical care. Things have improved of late and they don't usually keep you in hospital like they used to - if anything they kick you out too early! At any rate, I am guessing yo have many more friends than you believe and don't be shy. Reach out and ask for help. Many people love helping others. I wish for you to be well and enjoy your life. Best wishes

mjb86 said...

You have provided so much amusement through your blog, I'd like to get to know the genius behind it:

You have my best wishes for your health and the holidays.

Anonymous said...

Yes! Everything Jane just said plus more. While you describe yourself as a bit of a recluse you have not been totally forgotten by those who love you in the past and those who have grown fond of you recently. Get yourself admitted to the hospital immediately. You are worthy of a life with less pain and suffering than you are currently experiencing.

Amy said...

"So, unless something dramatic happens..."

I respectfully submit that something dramatic *has* happened. Please seek medical attention soon. Why wait? It hasn't gotten better on its own, right? We want you around fora good, long time. Please let the doctors help you.

fred said...

Don't make your friends out here hunt you down and drag you to a hospital!

Amy and Jane and the other commentators are right: You need medical attention. Now.

I've worked in hospital long enough to know your symptoms described are serious and may be life-threatening. Also you are in pain and they can help you.

Nobody likes hospitals but they're there for a good reason. No one is going to keep you there longer than you wish.

Call an ambulance if you don't have cab money and GO.

Anonymous said...

Kev, mate, get yourself to the doctor's, right now, even if it's just so they can run some blood tests. What you're describing ain't trivial, and trying to tough it out really isn't sensible. You're storing up trouble.

PS: I hope you manage to have a happy Christmas regardless.

Momboleum said...

Best wishes, hope you recover quickly!


Helene said...

Have a merry Christmas and i sure hope you get better soon.

Ratz said...

Dearest Kev,
The money provided has been refunded in full to all who generously donated (or at least so gofundme assure me). Rest assured we all hope you a speedy recovery; however no matter how shitty hospitals are (insert NHS underfunding rant here) please, please go get your ass to one long before you actively run out of food.

I've gone through the waiting game for appointments for a variety of things, some of which you've alluded to and I've been lost in the system where if I were any weaker I'd just despair and if I were lucky, just stay lost. If I knew where you lived I'd post a pizza under your damned door.

You may want to take a look at which is an anxiety support forum. A few days after signing up a chatroom is available too.

Kindest regards,

Meticularius Meticularian said...

I can understand your stubborness but I want you well. You are my friend. and I am yours.

Anonymous said...

Kev, you have touched alot of lives around the world... now it's our turn. Take strength and comfort in the fact that you really are not alone, and act on the advice of the other commentors. Put your fear aside and get help, talk to some one and get better! we miss you!
- Chris from Canada

baehler said...

Greetings from Bumfuq, Idaho... Hurry and get well soon! I've still been checking every day to see if you're back. your blog is the best!

Nick Perez said...

I hope you get medical attention ASAP. Even if you've got enough food in the fridge, your condition could continue to deteriorate until you receive treatment. Best wishes from NY

Anonymous said...

Thank you for checking in with us, we're wondering how you are. Best wishes for your holidays, best as can be. Get taken care of as you can, and good luck to you.

Miss Cellania said...

Please see a doctor. There's still nine days until Christmas, and you may very well be home with medicine long before then. We care about you.

Sharyn Munro said...

Please look after yourself and I do hope you start to feel better soon.

Ric Warren said...

Take care. You have been missed.

Stephen said...

Thanks for the update, Kev. Do whatever it is you feel you need to do. I am sure I can speak for those of us who have taken the time to reach out to you, now and in the past, when I say you have our full support.

DeSelby said...

It sounds like you have some serious cardiovascular issues. You need help NOW. This minute. As someone who has suffered similarly from anxiety problems I understand the quiet joys of procrastination and the excuses that sound so reasonable at the time. However the prospect of maybe spending Christmas in hospital pales in comparison to spending eternity in a grave. Sorry to be so blunt but the choice is really that stark. The good news is that these things can be quite easily managed and it's possible you'll be sent home after a few tests with a handful of prescriptions to enjoy a pain-free Xmas and a healthy 2017. Don't let another hour pass. Call an ambulance and tell them you feel unwell and couldn't get up the stairs or something. That's what the NHS is there for. And Happy Christmas!

Anonymous said...

Take care

Yanz said...

I truly hope you recover and I know the last thing you need is people pestering you with advice. But I do agree with many who suggest seeking medical advice sooner rather than later. Also, reconsider the GoFundMe request. I'd be more than happy to contribute as I didn't know about it. Think of it as a gift from your loyal readers. How do I find it?

handyman said...

Good luck Kev. I hope you feel better soon, but I do agree with a lot of the comments here, get yourself checked out. It might be something that can be treated easily, but even if you have to go to hospital, the odds are they'll kick you out before Christmas anyway. Very best wishes. Al

Charles Waugh said...

OK, fine, I'll weigh in on the 'get thee to a hospital' bandwagon...

I had darn near the same symptoms last March and it turned out it was only a touch of the flu. Well, that and a mild pleural effusion, along with a mild case of pneumonia, some 'mildly irritating' complete and total third-world-prison-political-prisoner torture sleep apnea, and SEVERE CONGESTIVE HEART FAILURE.

Yeah, I figured that if I had to go see my primary care physician, I might as well check all the boxes and be just a short sprint shy of death, ya' know?

Oh, and during all thems frickin' tests, they found evidence of a past 'silent' heart attack. Sheesh!

It only 5 'short' nights in the hospital and three months blissfully lounging on my lovely couch putting up with my hand-wringing wife to get me back up and able to earn an income again.

I remember thinking at one point as I lay splatted in the hospital bed, as I looked over longingly at the cup of cool water just a foot away from my head on the bedside table, "too far to go."

Nowadays, through the wonders of Modern Medicine, I take a small handful of pills twice a day and am living a rather productive life. (well, don't ask my wife about the 'truthiness' of that last statement, she might differ)


Charles Waugh
Boring, Oregon (yes, it really is called Boring!)

Meticularius Meticularian said...

Hmmm...even though I miss you through your postings, your health is more important. Since I know what hell the body can put one through, and even though I share your desire to avoid medical professionals and hospitals, I agree with handyman. And I'd like to add that sometimes it is better to get to the professionals on your own than to be dragged in unconscious and wake up on the operating table. We're all with you in heart.

xoxoxoBruce said...

Been there, done that, damn near died. Got a pacemaker and can live normally (well as normal as I'll ever be) again. Please do the Doctor gauntlet, we don't want to lose you.

bpw said...

Get well, Kev, we'll survive any temporary withdrawal symptoms from your wonderful site.

Happy Christmas.

Anonymous said...

I think you need to know that there are many who care about you, but that you have to put yourself as first priority. Why wait? You can begin to get things back on track now. You have the power to do that. Don't delay, and don't wait for a sign. Put one foot in front of the other and find yourself again. We are all here for you and wishing you the best. Get started my friend!!

Della F said...

Hospitals have changed a lot recently. Give the doctors a try, looking with fresh eyes.
Good luck and keep us posted.

Jean marie said...

Chiming in to implore you to go to the hospital now. The symptoms you are describing are serious; please get some attention for them.

Whatever you do decide, I will be praying for your health and happiness.

Anonymous said...

I have always loved this site! I totally appreciate how much time goes into the bit of pleasure we all get out of it... I'm not much for praying... but I will wish you a speedy recovery and the very best of the season! Best wishes!!!

Mark Null said...

Take care of yourself & happy christmes

Vietvet said...

Go to the doctor. NOW.

You're in England, right? Therefore you don't have to depend on Obamacare or any other crummy health care system, because you're covered. So you've got no excuse for not going.

Just do it.

Excuse me for talking to you like a Dutch uncle, but this is your life that could be at risk here.


Barbwire said...

Dear Kev,
I used to ignore symptoms, and it always ended badly. I've learned that my first job is to take care of myself, and I urge you to do the same. A stitch in time saves nine, and all that. It's true. Please just call an ambulance and get checked out. We all love your blog, but your blog is an expression of your taste and wit. That means we love you. Please take care of yourself, starting now! I wish you a Happy Christmas and a HEALTHY New Year!
Barbara in California

shak said...

Kev, from your description, it can't get any worse. Sounds like the next step is death. You have to go to the doctor's. Please, take care and let us know how it's going.

Anonymous said...

Is there a way for you to see a 'doctor-on-demand' from your home, or via the internet or phone?

Unknown said...

Hi Kev - I'm Amy at Can I do anything for you? You seem like a really nice person. Just let me know!

fritz said...

Be well!

PĂȘndulo said...

Just a word- Hospital

Get well and come back


Anonymous said...

Kev, please get yourself to your local GP. Or phone NHS 24. Please don't wait.

kathy said...

There's much encouragement for you to get to a dr, and I'm right there with them. Please. That much pain and exhaustion means you've ALREADY had that "something dramatic" happen.

As for the gofundme, USE IT. You may need to keep the larder stocked. We're perfectly happy to help do that as you recover.

Think of us as friends who're not particularly vocal otherwise, but there in a pinch.


kathy said...

Oh, and one other thing: 2016 has been a BITCH of a year for devastating us with awful news of people we've probably never met but have enjoyed and admired all the same.

Don't please let that be you, too. Your self-care is a priority. Get on it, luv. Your internet fam is cheering you on.


Cari in Basildon said...

Hello there Kev.
Ditto all of the above
In other news, I saw this and thought of you -

Maybe you need a voluntary research assistant (or two). I have time to spare and would love to send you odd stuff I come across.
All the best,
Cari in Basidon

Anonymous said...

You are not alone-we are with you. You just don't see us.

Anonymous said...

Please get help. Please.

Emma said...

Feel better!!

kathy said...

We're coming up on a year without Kev.

I'll raise a glass to him & Gerard this Christmas in remembrance and thanks.

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